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Norris has been newly appointed as a census enumerator. (I
knew this months ago but was sworn to secrecy over a pint in a
dark pub while sitting next to a woman who looked like a horse.
Honest). A more perfect role for Norris would be hard to find
and it gave Rita the best line of the week when she told him in
the Kabin to "stay where you are and practise counting."
Apart from providing welcome comic relief and professional acting
skills (so lacking in Corrie these days), Norris and Rita didn't
have much to add to the week's events so I'll move swiftly on.
Tyrone and Maria moan to each other that they're not getting
far with their savings. So Tyrone thinks he's onto a money spinner
when Ryan offers him some dodgy CD players and between him and
Jason, they buy the lot. Unfortunately the CD players are just
empty boxes and Tyrone's been had.
There was more raking over the past at the Platt's when Gail
found out that Martin had seen Rebecca over Christmas. Martin:
"We just bumped into each other!" Gail: "What?
With no clothes on?". At first she's angry but as Martin
rightly reminds her, it's none of her business. Finally, slowly,
the pair of them talk and Martin tells Gail he couldn't leave
for Dubai because of his links to the kids, and to her. As Gail
tells all this to Audrey in the Rovers (to the strains of that
omnipresent and catchy as malaria Hear'Say tune) Audrey's aghast
to see Gail softening towards her ex and reprimands her with:
"He's coming back to you with his tail between his legs",
but perhaps dear reader, that's what's making Gail smile.
In the corner shop, Sunita's parents come searching. As both
Deirdre and Dev lie through their back teeth saying they haven't
seen her and don't know where she is, the nation shouted from
their sofas "She's upstairs!". Then Jayesh, her brother,
forces his way into the flat and there's tears as he tries to
persuade her to come home. She won't budge. If she does, she'll
be off to India and married to Deepak and she'd rather stay in
England instead. So then her parents return. Dev and Geena are
there with Sunita to support her and help her stand up to her
parents. But when Geena tries to help, Sunita's mum shoots her
down, critical of her relationship with Dev - a man, she says,
that will have fun with a white girl but will never marry outside
of his culture. There was some cracking dialogue in this scene.
"This Geena..." the mum says "... she thinks she
has all the answers. I tell you laydee, you don't even have the
questions."
And so, the great Weatherfield Sausage Trail took place with
Ashley entering his vegetarian sausage against Fred's lump of
dead cow. But what's this? It's carving knives at 10 paces with
Fred so desperate to win against his son that he tries to rig
the ballot - fortunately Roy catches him before he can sway the
vote. And so the judges take their seats and the eating begins.
A lot of serious munching goes on before the winner of both the
critic's choice and the people's vote is awarded to Ashley. But
by 'eck, there's drama in the cafe as Fred usurps the winner by
announcing the zero content, I say, no meat, in th'winning sausage.
At the height of this denouement, Maxine makes an entrance, wanting
to make babies instead of making sausages and there's a horrible
confusion of meat and two veg before Fred and Ashley have a major
falling out. Later, Ashley tells Fred that he's lost his respect
but proudly tells him that he's had a run on his veggie sausages.
Yes, I find they do that to me too.
Over at the Rovers, Duggie me-laddo takes on Peter as his new
full-time barman and right-hand man. With his left hand, Peter
helps himself to whisky from the bar and ingratiates himself with
the boss in that sickly way men do when they try to make it look
as if they're better than a female colleague. Ex-rugby player
Duggie can't see this, of course; to him Peter is simply one of
the lads and it's not long before they've got a card school going
in the back room as Toyah tends bar on her own.
I now want to mention men's stomachs as both Ken and Martin's
beer bellies deserve a paragraph of their own. Where Ken covers
his up with his ever expanding cardigan, Martin has taken to wrapping
his up in his leather jacket. It's not a pretty sight.
Danny and Sally go off to see some new houses on Park Road.
Apparently, they're dead posh, with their own downstairs toilet,
or as Ena Sharples would've put it: "It's all very bay window".
As they wander around the new house they're encouraged by the
sales woman to put down a deposit. Not in the downstairs toilet,
I hoped.
And that is just about that for this week.
Glenda
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