Corrie weekly updates from 1995, 17 years in 17 e-books
All the wit and warmth of Weatherfield, none of the waffle
Available from amazon.co.uk or amazon.com
Check out the Coronation Street Blog - it's FAB
Glenda was on holiday. This week's update written
by John Dean.
Rejoice! No need to mention the storyline that dare not speak its name as the Tracyraptor has departed for the Carribe. Caribbe . West Indies.
Everyone is being nostalgic about what a great bloke Curly was. Twenty years in Weatherfield and nobody ever went up to him and said 'You're a great bloke, Norman'. Now he's gone and they love him to bits. Except Norris, who's too worried about Monty. But hark! Enter Monty. Wearing a medallion marked 'Phoebe'. So either the Mog has become a Friends fan or there's a new storyline emerging . Norris rings the phone number on the disk and discovers that Monty / Phoebe is associated with Mrs Parry, one of the Kabin's customers. She comes round to claim that the cat was always Phoebe and always hers. Norris tells her he's not intimidated by the fact that Mr Parry takes Martial Arts Monthly. Mrs Parry breaks it to him that there is no longer a Mr Parry, that she is the one who takes Martial Arts Monthly and she wants her cat back. When Norris refuses she clouts him and gives him a dazzling display of Ecky Thump (ancient Lancastrian martial discipline) and Norris ends up in a heap while Phoebe and Mrs Parry disappear into the
sunset.
Mick is trying to persuade Janice not to leave him. (Why? No, I dunno either) But if you teach a Bible Class and you want a handy illustration of 'falling on stony ground', help yourself to a clip of Janice's face. Janice has decided that she was becoming something she didn't want to be through
her association with Mick. "I didn't recognise meself in fancy clothes" What? WHAT!?!
A Social Worker turns up to 'assess' Sarah and Todd. And Sarah realises herown Mother has grassed her up to the Social. Sarah tells Gail she wants nothing more to do with her.
A debt collector turns up to harass Eileen with some success. A keen philosophy student and linguist, he intercepts Eileen's explanation of her reason for non-payment with " 'Ave you read Sartre, Mrs Grimshaw? The Age of Reason? If you 'ad, you'd 'ave an insight into the soul. 385 quid by Friday. Au revoir - me and the girlfriend 'ave got a villa in Monte Carlo and I like to keep up with the language."
Candice turns up late for work with a sob story about her Mum's boyfriend harassing her. Audrey thinks she looks like she's been dragged through a hedge backwards (do you look different if you've been dragged through a hedge forwards? Sideways?) but is conned into letting Candice stay the night at the salon. BTW, the hedge-dragging doesn't seem to have dislodged Candice's push-up bra. If she ever turns up with bruising on her chin, the Police would be advised to issue a warrant for Monsieur Wonderbra rather than Mum's boyfriend. But wait! Here he is - Creepy Gerry the Perv of Weatherfield. Luckily Audrey spots what's going on and installs Candice in the flat with Fizz and Maria. Which is unfortunate for Ashley's Nanny (who has made such an impression on me that I can't remember her name) who thought she was going to get the spare bedroom.
And here's Nick - back from Canada. He has developed a funny habit of punctuating his speech in odd places and emphasising unlikely words. He's also developed a strange accent LIKE Noel. Coward in. The film 'This Happy Breed. 'Veddy flat. Saskatchewan' Sarah brings him up to speed with Gail - 'If Richard hadn't been a psycho she'd 'ave driven 'im mad' And Maria is moved to observe 'Me an im ur ishtree' which means, I think,her and Nick as an item are in the past. But Nick waylays her. 'A talk, Maria, I think. That's the least you. Owe me'. He's heard about the abortion and wants to know 'Was it. Mine?' Maria is clearly touched that he has hotfooted it over to check if she is OK. Then Gail tries to jinx his job interview in London so her little Nicky can stay with her and he is so upset he narrows his eyes. 'We have our own. Lives and IF you try to. Interfere we will cut you out. OF them. And I'm not NICKY!'
Eileen discovers that it was Tony that cocked up the wiring in the Flat over the Bookies. She throws him out. Shelley discovers it was Tony and tells Peter. Peter throws Todd and Sarah and Bethany out. When she finds out, Shelley is close to throwing Peter out. Peter relents and throws Sarah, Todd and Beth back in. Jack and Vera pay a visit to the allotment and find Maz and her hippie mates getting stoned. They end up tasting the Brownies laced with cannabis and generally having a good time, Vera singing her Carmen Miranda songs and Jack watching cabbages move around. Vera changes her mind about Maz and decides he is a very nice person, entirely suitable for young Tyrone.
On his way to pastures new, Tony comes to the Cab Office to say goodbye to Eileen and takes the chance to lift the day's takings (700 quid - yes, I thought they only had one driver, too) and Dev calls the Cops who arrest Eileen and put her in a cell overnight. Jason tracks down Tony and gets the money back. He decides he and his Dad should go back to the old arrangement - Birthday cards with the wrong age on one week late every other year.
John Dean
Follow the Coronation Street Blog on Twitter and Facebook
No comments:
Post a Comment