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Glenda is on holiday. This week's update written by Janet Waterhouse.
Poor Eileen - the police have been downright nasty to her, treating her
as if she's some kind of criminal and Dev's no better. Though Jason
has returned the money, Dev won't have her released without someone else to
blame and refuses to make the phone call to free the Weatherfield One (Mark
II) unless Jason gives the name of her replacement. Steve puts in a
half-hearted plea, no doubt having realised that Dev is the male version of Karen when it comes to compromise. Eventually Jason is forced to
reveal his dad stole the money and Steve places a call to the police station.
He and Jason go to meet her, but she gives both of them a piece of her mind,
refuses the taxi ride home and, finding Jason came without bus fare for
the two of them, tells him they'll just have to start walking.
Not the least bit content with a mangy posy no doubt immediately plonked
back into its bucket outside the Corner Shop, Eileen won't even consider
an apology from the prostrate hair-shirt clad carcasses of Dev and Steve.
No, she's that upset about the night spent in the nick, she doesn't care
from whence the next plate of beans on toast will appear. And, who can
blame her - she's put up, covered up and ... well, put up in the B&B kind
of way with the Streetcar owners for far too long to be treated like this.
Plus, whilst she was temporarily inconvenienced by the Bill, she wasn't able
to work the extra hours to pay off the loan shark who has now sold the debt
on to a Neanderthal. With his equally thuggish sidekicks, he showed
he meant business by adding extra finance charges for their "trouble" as
well as confiscating the sofa and telly. Not to worry though - they
were Steve's so she's not all that inconvenienced though I am waiting for the moment when
the lovely Mrs. Madonald as-was and to-be finds out! Jason shows evidence
of a potential career in diplomatic circles by eventually convincing both
mother and her former bosses to start again. Faced with the prospect
of pinching the meals Norris keeps leaving out for Monty, she eventually
gives in and agrees to return.
Of course, behind all of this vengefulness, Dev is as mad as a bucket of
frogs by Sunita and Ciaran flaunting their lurve. He's not happy when
he finds the empty pizza box and wine bottle in the back of the shop, but
becomes incandescent with rage when a check on the till roll reveals that
the shop was shut at 7:30. He hops down the street (not literally,
it's just to explain the frog metaphor) to ban Ciaran from the shop ("What
... all seven of them?" Ciaran mocks). It's just as well they don't appear
to have left any evidence that they've "christened" the shop.
Now if Gail were my mother (what a thought - quick I need another drink!),
I wouldn't be as swift to forgive her as Nick. In fact, if she cancelled
my job interview and lied about my sister to the Social just because she wanted
her children in the house, I'd be out of there so fast she wouldn't see
mefor dust. But then again, I like to think I have brains, which seem
to be sadly missing in the Platt/Tilsley residence now that David has disappeared
to Borstal or some such place as it's been that long since we've seen him.
Gail still doesn't appreciate that what she's done is terribly, terribly
wrong, though I do live in hope that the Social will charge her for being
a public nuisance. However, fate intervenes. Martin tells Gail
that Neil Fearns, sperm donor, has been killed in a traffic accident and
wonders whether it would be appropriate to tell Sarah that her daughter's
dad is deaded. Just the excuse Gail needed to weasel her way back.
Sarah is shaken but not stirred because apart from that one brief moment,
he's never been part of either Sarah's or Bethany's life. Martin later
has a word and says she should go to the funeral, if only to tell Beth that
she said goodbye to her father.
Ick. I'd forgotten about the whole Katy/Martin thing and her confessing
in the hospital cafeteria that she wanted to snog his face off. Double
ick and another drink to calm my shattered nerves. Claire the nanny
has picked up that Tyrone is more interested in Maz than Katy and, after
confessing the truth to Kev, he is convinced by the latter to stop the pretence.
Katy thinks revealing the name of her lover will persuade him not to and she drops the bombshell in the Rovers where she's gone for an orange juice
with her mum, who's got a new shorter, darker hair do. Strangely enough,
the bar staff who normally pick up this type of good stuff at 40 paces miss
the announcement. Tyrone is later surprised to hear that Kev also
knows, whilst Katy admits to her mother that her relationship with Tyrone
is over. Angie says she thought Tyrone was too old for her ... I can
hardly wait to see her reaction when she finds out the truth!
Now, I'm not best pleased about the whole Maz / cannabis storyline, particularly
as she provides Vera with the brownie recipe and a package of
the magical herbs. Vera donates a batch to the church committee meeting
in Roy's Rolls, thus leading to Norris wondering about the souls of cats,
Rita professing her undying love for Norris and Emily confessing that she
had often wondered about what her old swain, the Reverend Something or Other
(the one who jilted her when he found out she'd been having some emotional
problems) looked like under his cassock. Ooh-er, Aunty Em!
The next day, Norris and Emily are in the Rovers discussing the church
meeting. Norris Poirot has it all sussed - the Reverend (the current
vicar not the one whom Emily hasn't seen under his cassock, though perhaps it
could swell the coffers if they offered the Hunky Monks "dance" team after sacrament) didn't eat brownies and he was fine. The rest of them
ate brownies and were not. Hence, there was something in the brownies.
Emily tells him not to be silly, but she should pay attention. After all,
he was right about Richard Hillman. Norris asks Vera what was in them
as he had been acting very strangely, but Vera sniffs that she's never known him
to do anything but! She fetches the herbs, which none of them can
identify, so they call upon chef Ciaran who identifies it as cannabis.
Vera just says No to Drugs and calls the police, afraid that she will be
arrested as a drug pusher.
At the allotment, Bernie Allbright, Chief Allotment Person, spies Tyrone
heading off to see Maz, garden implement in hand (no doubt for her hair).
He accosts him, letting him know in no uncertain terms that he hasn't seen
Jack lately and he'll be turfed out if he's sublet to anyone else.
You can see what's coming at 20 paces, can't you?
The Roy/Hayley/Tracey triangle also gives me the creeps, though my hope
is that Wrinkly Wally turns out to be the dad. After investing in the
annual report on the local school, he begins to doubt whether Tracy has kept to
her part of the bargain. Upon her return, the Croppers rush over,
getting her out of the bath. Clad only in a towel, she retorts that she used
the money to go on holiday, and did they want to see her white bits?
Ick, though I must admit I did like her hair. When they next see her in the Rovers,
Tracey invites them along to her scan and Roy readily accepts.
As Shelley tries to convince her husband that the time is right to start
trying for a wee one of their one (a month after the wedding?), Peter hasn't
been able to get in touch with Lucy. No wonder, as he stakes out the
florist shop (she must be independently wealthy not to keep it open) to
find her returning with Dan, her ex-boyfriend. Taken aback at first,
he later returns to have it out with Lucy demanding more time with Simon
and just what exactly do she and Dan get up to? He confides in Ciaran that
he'll take it as far as he has to - to court if necessary! Ciaran thinks
he should look at it as a blessing in disguise, but Peter is not about to
ship his progeny off to Scotland like his dad did. He sorts things
out with Lucy, who confides to a gal pal that Dan hasn't made it through the bedroom
door and that maybe she should give Peter another chance. However,
Peter is horrified at the suggestion and tells her that he's not good enough
for her and let's leave it until Simon gets married to get back together.
Humph. Most men I know have problems deciding what they're going to do next
Tuesday, let alone plan for thirty years in the future ... whoops, this
is Corrie where everyone marries young. Let's make it 16 years in
the future! Lucy decides that Peter is probably just scared and she's the
one to convince him it's the right thing to do. To demonstrate her good
intentions, this time she'll go round to him.
As he's not in the bookies, she asks a convenient stranger (Jack Duckworth)
if he knows where Peter might be (might have been easier to ask Sally whom
I presume is minding the shop, being the only other employee and all).
She suggests she ask his wife. Lucy is stunned. Wife?
Yes, her that manages the Rovers. In a state of shock, Lucy enters
and asks for Shelley. By this time, Tracey has dressed and come into
the Rovers, to be immediately ordered to Sit, Stay, Roll Over and Speak
by Lucy. Yes, it's true she finally confesses - he married both of
you. Both Shelley and Lucy approach the bar from different directions
and Shelley is reminded that Lucy did the flowers for her sister's funeral.
I would have thought that being so far away, she would have phoned it in,
but I guess she gives good rates. Shelley tells her they were
lovely and can't think why they didn't use Lucy for the wedding! She
then asks Tracey if she'd like to see the photographs that she has been arranging
in the back. Lucy immediately pipes up that she would, but upon seeing
the proof with her own eyes, feels faint and rushes off. Only to return,
ask Shelley for another look and produces her own wedding album where the
smiling face of the groom is utterly familiar to Shel. As both brides
stand there with sick feelings in their respective tummies, Ciaran suggests
they go to the back as both he and Tracey try to contact Peter to no avail.
I'm reminded of the saying that a man who marries his mistress creates a
job opening, so this suggests that Peter has created two of them! Shelley
doesn't believe it at first - the pictures could have been taken anywhere. But upon hearing that the date for the wedding was the
same as her sister's funeral where Peter rushed off, it slowly begins to
dawn on her that it's all starting to make sense. Lucy explains that she threw
Peter out after two days when she found out he was still seeing Shelley.
Her anguish increases when she finds out that Peter has a son and has been
seeing him regularly. Poor Shelley struggles to ask whether Lucy and
Peter had been behaving as man and wife, but whilst Lucy admits there have
been no marital relations, she is the first (well, technically she's the
second) and legal wife and Shelley's wedding was just a big fancy-dress party.
Unawares of the emotional scene inside, Peter saunters into the Rovers through
the rear door and stops short when he realises that the two Mrs. Barlowe's
stand before him. Shelley tearfully asks if it's true Lucy is his wife
and he replies that he supposes so? He supposes so??? Since his
re-appearance in the street, he has turned into the UK's (and points abroad)
most hated man since ... well, since Alan Bradley terrorised Rita Fairclough
(as was). But of course, none of this was Peter's fault. He was
going to tell her, then her sister thoughtlessly timed her death so he couldn't
upset Shelley even more. Then since he and Lucy had separated, he'd
just get a divorce then Shelley woul never know. Well, maybe
not until young Simon came knocking on the door. However, the law inconsiderately
forces a waiting period, and he knew Shelley didn't want to wait that long.
Lucy, of course, isn't helping matters along by pointing out that it's never
Peter's fault, always someone else's and that though she expects him to pay
for Simon, she'll never see either of them again. And to make matters
even worse, she emphasises on her way out that Shelley was second choice!
Shelley is so full of hurt and confusion. She can't understand why
Peter hadn't told her once she had recovered from Sharon's death, and even
pleaded with her to marry him, all the while knowing he wasn't legally free.
Peter tried to put all the blame on Lucy, but Our Shel is having none of
it. "Get out!" she screams. He does and sits crestfallen in his
car as Lucy sheds tears putting baby Simon to bed and Shelley collapses on
the sofa weeping uncontrollably. Absolute cracking acting, particularly from
Sally Lindsay, and the type of scene Corrie does best. I was sobbing
myself all the way through.
Next week's episodes will be brought to you courtesy of K. Richard Whitbread.
I've left a couple of tins of Guinness for you in the fridge by the back
door, the prawns are all gone, but I only had one Tunnock to keep my strength
up from al the tears.
Janet Waterhouse
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