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After David's dunking last week at the hands of Charlie Stubbs (I know it's evil but every time I think about it, it still makes me smile) David heads back to school, too scared to hang around the street. Gail's over the moon that David's back at school but she still knows nowt about the Charlie water torture. She calls in the family counsellor to sort them out and they all gather round in the living room as a nice woman called Simone helps the Platt's unload their hangups into her holdall. Audrey's sceptical (I think she's on tablets for it) but agrees to sit in on the sessions: "We're a nice little family, reehlah" she says while David twitches on the sofa, Gail tries not to cry and Sarah itches to be round at Jason's. Or anyone's for that matter.
Since he came back last week, Bill Webster's caused nothing but trouble and it's great! He gets the lads into trouble when he takes Kevin and Tyrone to a lap dancing club. Molly grounds Tyrone - at home, not into pieces - and Sally whips Kev with the tea-towel which, my guess is, he secretly enjoyed. Bill leads Audrey astray too with a few drinks in the Rovers, although it's far to say that Audrey has never needed much persuasion where there's a fella and a free drink involved. And if the two things come along at the same time, so much the better.
That big girl of a blouse, Jamie, has been mooching aruond after step-mum Frankie all week. He sends her love letters, tries to kiss her and she doesn't try to stop him. It's all so very wrong. And yet, it isn't, if you know what I mean. It's not like it's illegal, it's just a bit yuck. Frankie tells Danny she wants to go and live in Spain, without telling Danny the real reason why. When Jamie finds out he tells Danny not to go to Spain and they'll reunite and become one big happy family, without telling Danny the real reason why. When Danny finds out what's going on he's going to be in a right old two and eight, innit. By then, I might just have stopped caring, who knows?
It's all change on the cobbles as Charlie chucks Maria out of the flat and she moves in with Fiz. Tracy moves out of Charlie's house and in with Deirdre and Ken who worry and fret about their wayward daughter. Heaven knows why when any sensible parent would have stopped answering the door when she comes round by now, changed the locks, moved to Australia in the dead of night. Charlie dumps Tracy's stuff in bin bags and tells her she's not moving back in, oh, but she does. In full warpaint and armed for battle with the bully-boy builder, she sweet talks her way back into the house and Charlie's life, intent on revenge. Charlie reckons he knows what she's up to and when he tells her he knows her little plan she just acts dumb. (Play to your strengths, Tracy). Good line of the week was when Tracy saw Roy Cropper staring at her in the street after the palaver last week over Maria and Charlie. "You're bonkers, you know that?" she yells over at Roy. "Yes" he replies. "I've suspected it on ocassion". I love Roy, he's brill and is being much underused.
Cilla decides to have a boob job to enhance her, erm, natural assets up top. "What size do you want them?" she asks dozy Les who last week told her she didn't need to change, he loved her the way she was, and this week runs into Dev's shop comparing melons to grapefruit for his ideal size wife-boobies while thankfully dismissing the red pepper shaped veg. The wonderful Yana goes with her mate to see the doc but Cilla comes out of the clinic having changed her mind and won't tell Yana or Les why. Not yet, anyroad.
Hayley starts voluntary work at the local out-reach centre, teaching adult literacy to ex-offenders where she bumps into Becky, local menace of the parish. Is Becky possibly the scariest woman villian that Corrie's ever had? She's been in prison for the last three months and there's violence under her finger nails as, fag in hand and mence in mind, she pesters Hayley who's too scared to return the following week.
And as Jack Duckworth's 70th birthday looms, Vera wants to organise a bit of a do. All Jack wants is a bit of peace and quiet and the racing on the telly so Vera's not best pleased. She's put an ad in the Gazette and wants her money's worth of party but Jack's not having it, no. So Vera decides to head off to celebrate his birthday without him and she, Molly and Fiz tell Jack they're off to Amsterdam on a mini-break with flights they got for 10p? 10p? I once got a flight to Cornwall for 99p but I can't beat 10p.
And that's just about that for this week.
Glenda
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