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Glenda ws on holiday. This week's update written by Janet Waterhouse
Toyah's "A Slob's Life" has been entered in
the Weatherfield Art Show by her tutor. Though she's tried to keep it a
secret from Les, Fiz has mentioned it to Kirk who suggests to Les they
should attend. Initially taken aback to see his chair on display, he's
quite chuffed when Fiz explains that it represents the daydreams of the
working class man. That nasty Councillor who had the run-in with Curly
shows up to present the 500 quid 1st prize to Toyah (who narrowly defeated
the leaky tap exhibit). Les is absolutely gutted when Nasty Councillor
expounds on how the degradation of the working class is perfectly
represented by the chair; poor Toyah's rushed excuse of how he got it wrong
doesn't seem to make a dent in his anger. He may hold out for a share in
the winnings, though I suppose it is fair since he did more than his fair
share in creating it.
Speaking of Kirk, he and Fiz are our favourite luv-bunnies of the moment.
Though they've agreed to try and keep the news quiet, neither can help but
brag of being a dirty stop-out the night before ... with a student met at
the Flat Painting Party. By the way, there was an absolute classic
background scene the next morning when Toyah is trying to get rid of
unwanted houseguests of someone sliding face-down the wall tastefully
decorated in early Strawberry Fields motif! Toyah shudders "Yuck - can you
imagine copping off with Kirk??" Well, frankly no - I was never into the
spots and gawkiness even when I was a teenager! Kirk overhears Fiz boast it
was the "best I'd ever had" and once his little heart stops pounding,
suggests that they do it again!
She shows up for some afternoon delight, but Les is at home. Kirk suggests
the sofa al fresco would make a perfect little love nest, but Fiz is
horrified that he would propose that minging thing! In a true romantic
gesture, he swipes the clean sheet from next-door's line, thus prompting a
terrific scene later with Emma who wants to know why her clean laundry ended
up on that tatty couch. Kirk insists that a gust of wind blew it off the
line, but Emma points out that he must think she's daft as (a) the pegs are
still on the line and (b) there are marks on the sheet. At that stage, I
didn't want to know any details, but Emma displays the four footprints: two
pointing up and two pointing down! What a relief - it could have been much,
much worse!
Sunita, looking after young Ben Watts, is desperate to confide her
not-so-secret love for Dev to someone. Ben's handy and can keep schtum, so
he and the viewers get an earful. I quite like Sunita (and have done since
her "Dinnerladies" days), but you'd think she would have re-evaluated this
infatuation after seeing how he's behaved with Geena and those shameless
hussies who keep hounding him for more of the "Des Allan" charm he's been
passing off as his own. She's been invited to a wedding (I'm sorry, if I'd
only known ...) and finally Dev takes the hint, follows the instructions
provided in the Kirk School of Romance checklist, pours some champers into a
mug and offers to escort her. There's an uncomfortable moment (for me) when
they agree on their "story". Sunita gazes upon him with those liquid
doe-like eyes and says that she'll tell everyone he is the man of her
dreams. Good thing she didn't see that episode when he bedded Deirdre - it
gave me nightmares!
Karen wasn't best pleased that Steve was a no-show at the Painting Party; he
certainly wasn't about to tell her that he earned 500 big ones breaking into
the warehouse on the Panty Raid. Instead, his excuse was that he had to
cover for Vikram. Karen wants a night out and goes to Vik to demand he
switch shifts. Not having as much experience in untruth-telling as most of
the male (and quite a few of the female) cast members, his face gives away
the fact that he didn't have a clue what she was on about. Karen growls
that she's going to kill Steve.
However, Steve takes one look at her face, apologises and admits the truth.
Next time she sees Joe in the street, she loudly slags him off. Joe tried
to calm her down (not an easy task, even at the best of times) and just as
he tells her that Naveen probably won't even report it to the police, a
police car drives up to Underworld.
Now, Mike had noticed the boxes back in the factory and had blown his top
when Joe revealed the outcome of his cunning plan. "Yer just out o' jail -
now yer breaking into warehouses. Give me one good reason not to call the
police!" Dev is also flaming mad. He's sussed the real story and has been
pushing Joe around, quite literally. They've never been the best of buds
anyway because of Geena, but this has really escalated hard feelings. Dev
had given Mike his word that it would be handled. "Trust me and sack Joe,
or I'll go to the police" he threatens.
However, Mike doesn't respond to threats very easily. Dev throws his dummy
out of the pram and tells Mike that he won't be his friend anymore. Not to
worry, Joe - Dev's all mouth (and hairy chest) ... isn't he?
Well, of course he is. It's just a routine police enquiry as Naveen's
warehouse has been robbed. Do they have any idea who might want to steal
5,000 dozen pairs of knickers? Well, Dev might need it for his Valentine's
Day list. Mike suggests that it's probably an honest mistake - the order is
here, but it's not due to be delivered until Monday. He asks Joe to get the
paperwork out of the pending tray. Clever Mike had created an invoice with
a new date just in case (Joe had also been clever and swiped the paperwork
from the factory along with the goods). The police smile knowingly as they
ask whether Mike had heard rumours of bankruptcy. "Put it this way," Mike
replies, "I'd intended to make it Cash on Delivery."
But, what are they going to do with the order? They can't flog it for love
or money until Joe has another brill idea. He takes some new designs along
with the boxes back to Naveen and overcomes the frosty reception by saying
he's going places and Naveen will need the contact. He offers the new wares
at cost ... once Nav comes up with the cash for the order in the back of the
lorry. They each count quantities, then Joe heads off with the new knickers
and bra sets, Naveen screaming about being double-crossed. Now, there's the
pot calling the kettle black!
Are the Alahan's going to accept this as a lesson in fair trading and let
this rest? Not on your nelly! Dev tells all to a cold Geena who then has
it out with Joe. Just as they appear to have patched things up, Dev marches
straight into the Rovers and in front of an admiring crowd, goes two rounds
with Joe. As they brawl in the street, Joe nuts Dev in the head and they
both end up bloodied. Geena screams that she doesn't want anything to do
with either of them anymore and walks off in a huff (though you could
scarcely see the huff for the dim lighting).
There's panic in them thar eyes as Richard Hillman tried to barge his way
into the Watts residence. However, Curly has some slightly positive news:
there's been more complaints about the hostel and there'll be at least
another six month delay before a decision will be made. With that in hand
along with the money he raised from selling his car (before telling everyone
else it had been stolen) and the mortgage Gail took out on the house, he
goes back to his not-so-friendly loans manager. Richard should have known
he wouldn't be as nice as that Harold from the Halifax telly ads as he
didn't break into song when he entered the room. It just isn't enough on a
350,000 quid loan with a recent 12,000 wedding expenditure (you can get bank
loans for a wedding??? And, how exactly can you spend that much when you
only had 14 people attend?). "What do you want" growled Richard, "blood???"
Careful how you answer that, because Richard could actually provide it.
Richard claims that he has some money promised by year-end at the latest
from a new source named Gail Platt.
Gail solicitously enquires how the meeting went in her capacity as both firm
director and wife. Not bad, particularly as Richard is expecting a big
growth in income over the winter. Gail looks a bit confused. "Old people
die", he gently tells her. She's a bit taken aback, but pushes it even
further by asking what happens if none of the policies "mature". Well,
he'll obviously help them along, won't he?
In the Rovers, Richard selflessly asks after Emily's health. Fit as a
fiddle and planning a winter holiday, she tells him. His eyes then wonder
about the size of Audrey's bankroll.
For some strange reason, Audrey decides she wants yet another family
portrait, which to me seems a little far-fetched. I don't know about anyone
else, but we have absolutely loads of family pictures from our wedding, and
that's even before we've seen the photographer's official ones. If she'd
thought about this a bit more carefully, she could have saved herself a
fortune. Anyway, while it's all being planned, Richard slips Audrey's keys
out of her handbag and nips down the street to leave them in the
hairdresser's shop. Audrey is very confused (my Aunt Audrey is just like
that, too) and enlists David to help her retrace her steps. He finds them
and poor Audrey blames it on the fact that she must have been distracted
when she overheard Kirk and Emma having an argument about the weather!
Gail is still questioning whether Richard has come up with an alternative
business plan. Yes, his viability test is already in motion. Gail had
better watch out - she's asking far too many questions for her own safety.
The photographer comes round, on a Sunday yet. Though they've had enough
notice and she's laid out a clean outfit for David, Gail has apparently
decided that the clothing she wears to clean the house is good enough to be
preserved in perpetuity. Whilst Sarah Lou is sulking that it's preventing
her from going out with Ade and Candice (to be sure, it's nothing compared
to the sulk she has on when she finds out Candice has asked him out to the
pictures), Richard swipes the keys out of Audrey's bag and nips out to get
them copied. He then puts them back without them being missed then later
lets himself into her house and turns the radio on. Audrey is convinced
she's starting to lose it, all according to plan.
The final storyline this week concerns baby Josh's christening. Doreen
finds out that, Derek, her ex-husband has been invited and promptly
stroppily announces that if he is, then she isn't! With far more patience
than I would have exhibited, the Peacocks patiently explain that they want
all grandparents to be there (they've even invited Ashley's both birth and
adoptive mothers). She's not convinced, so Ash uses some psychology to
convince her to help Fred who's organising the catering. Well, when I said
Fred, I really meant new cleaner Harry Flagg who seems to have expanded his
job description to convince the butcher that vegetarians must be catered
for. Apparently stuffed vine leaves are expected to go down rather well (I
like them, and I'm by no means a veggie). Fred has been distracted by the
fact that Maxine has put her foot down on the babby's middle name - no
composers, I say no Joshua Rachmaninov Peacock in Weatherfield!
Now, my Cousin Sandi from Vancouver came over for our wedding and wondered
why on earth she kept seeing people in Burberry fabric (you know, that plaid
Brooklyn Beckham made trendy for young tots and girls with pre-pubescent
bodies, like Geri Halliwell). I can't say I could come up with any good
reason because I don't happen to like it at all! Never one to let a
bandwagon go without jumping on it as it's miles past the station, Max has
outfitted Josh in the fabric, including little headscarf (it was a sunny
day). She herself, showing more than her usual amount of decolletage, is
ever the hairdresser concerned that the font water might be too cold!
Anyway, Max has a plan to get her parents back together again as it turns
out that hussy who moved in with Derek has left, or as it is rather more
eloquently put: Donna's a goner! As plans go, it's not a very good one!
Doreen smacks him in the chops after he tells her not to get her hopes up
about getting back together. Ash steps in to tell them both off for trying
to ruin "MY" son's big day! Max beams at the declaration and as Josh
dribbles on her chest, tells her hubby she's dead proud he stood up for
Josh. It was really touching how Ashley earnestly explained that Josh is
his son, just like he is Beryl's as she was the one who brought him up.
Tears were streaming down my face as Ash declared "I'm the only father he's
ever known!"
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