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There’s shed shenanigans this week as Darryl Morton moves in to live in
the shed at the bottom of the garden. Yes, I did say he moves in to live
in the shed. No, he didn’t just pop in there for some odds and ends, a bit
of string, a plant pot or some tqt (that’s shed speak - apologies to
those who can’t translate). He moved in. And he blasts out Bob Marley and
Kasabian which wakes up the neighbours in the morning. “I quite liked Three
Little Birds” muses Gail to Clare as they compare notes the next morning.
“It reminded me of Martin, it was one of his favourites”. But Gail and Clare
have had enough of the noise from the shed and decide to complain to the
council because sheds over a certain shape and size have to have planning
permission, which this one’s not got. Ashley nips over the fence to size the
thing up with his tape measure as Gail and Clare giggle by the fence.
In the Rovers, Liz encourages Vernon to go on the road with his band
for a few months after he’s offered a gigging tour. He wants to go, she
wants him to go, there’s not much that can go wrong, surely, and it’ll
leave Liz alone to spend more time watching paint dry with Derek the drayman,
the dullest man in soap. Come on Liz, where’s your feisty pluck gone?
Ken and Deirdre’s marriage crumbles over the dining room table. “You’re
all gong and no dinner” says Blanche to Ken after he threatens to leave,
but she doubts that he will. Oh, but he does! He packs up and moves out.
Not only has he rung the gong but he’s served up and eaten his dinner as well.
Ken moves into a B&B with a big-bosomed landlady who wants to know all
about him and serves up extra bacon rashers to ease his worry lines. Ken,
you’ll remember if you cast your mind back 12 years or so, has a son called
Daniel by ex-Corrie crimper Denise Osbourne and he finds Denise’s hair salon
in town and calls in to see her for five minutes. “You want five minutes
when you’ve not seen us for ten years?” Denise asks him, but she lets him
into her flat all the same. She’s still the same driven and determined Denise
she was back on Corrie all those many years ago, still direct and forthright.
Back at the house, Blanche tells Deirdre not to worry, that he’ll be home
in time for tea with his tail between his legs after walking the streets.
I wasn’t sure if she meant Ken or little Eccles, but whoever she meant, there
was no sign of either come tea-time. There was sign of a big, black, meaty
fly that Blanche said was the spirit of Charlie Stubbs haunting the house.
“It’s ubiquitous” said Deirdre, which is not something you hear her say every
day. Blanche follows Ken next time he goes to Denise’s and breaks up the
happy family reunion with Daniel. Blanche might have a fly in the house but
she’s got a bee in her bonnet and refuses to let Ken and Deirdre’s marriage
fall apart again. She tells Ken “to think on” and Deirdre “to get a grip”
as Ken enjoys spending time with son.
Melanie Morton gathers the family in the pub to break some bad news.
It’s the worst news possible she could give to her ducking, diving, dodging,
wheeling, dealing family – she wants to be a lady copper. Mind you, she
seems far too intelligent to be working in a kebab shop, I’ll give her that
much. Not only did she correctly remove the apostrophe from the sign that
said pannini’s but she also quite rightly pointed out that pannini is already
a pural - for pannino - in the same way that more than one cappuccino should
be pronounced cappuccini. So think on, next time you order a piece of
scampo.
Fiz takes Chesney to his dress rehearsal of the school play of Bugsy
Malone. She spies his drama teacher, Mr Stape, and recognises him from
a romance she had once long ago when Mr Stape was leader of her youth club
and known as DJ Laserbeam. Fiz is all aglow after meeting up with her old
flame which dampens Kirk’s ardour somewhat.
“You!” says Paul Connor when he finds out who his escort girl is who’s
turned up in his hotel bedroom. “You! says Leanne when she finds out who
she’s been called to service. Instead of getting down to business, the
shocked two-some sit and have a drink in Paul’s hotel room, sharing secrets
that can not be spoken back on the Street. Oh ‘eck, what a pickle. Paul
has trouble keeping quiet back on the Street and warns Liam away from Leanne,
lying and saying she’s after the business in the way she was with Danny
Baldwin. But it doesn’t stop Liam and Leanne getting to grips in the ladies
underwear department once more.
Vera’s still holed up in the house as Jack hits the pub with Virtual
Vera the baby monitor to keep a check on his little duck-egg back home.
Molly loans Vera some ambient sound CDs with the noise of waves crashing
on the shore. “Vera’s chilling” says Molly to Jack to which he replied:
“Chilling? It’s taken me 50 years to get her warmed up!”. The ambient sounds
relax Vera no end as it reminds her of Blackpool but the thrill of it soon
goes and she has to call Jack back home from the pub to take her upstairs
to the lav.
And best throwaway conversation of the week took place in the cab office
when Steve, Jamie and Les were talking about what makes a man’s man, who’s
one and who isn’t. Jamie and Steve reckon Harrison Ford is a man’s man
while Les reckons it’s Graham Norton. I think there’s a bit of truth in
both.
And that’s just about that for this week.
Glenda
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