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Saturday 16 June 2012

Coronation Street Weekly Update - Dec 26 2000

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Curly finally got his girly when he wed PC Emma this week. The lads (Martin, Ashley, Kevin, Danny and Peter) take Curly to the Rovers for a bit of a knees up on his stag night but they all end up sitting over their pints talking about tax and pensions until Peter orders a Deathray at the bar. I'm not sure if that was a fancy cocktail or if Peter was so bored that he really did want a Deathray. Who knows? Anyway, Curly staggers home at the end of the night only to be arrested by two coppers for singing too loudly and swaying too happily and he's thrown into the cells for a few hours to sober up. Of course, it's all a bit of a larf (yeah, right, being thrown into a cell is a right giggle, I'll bet) that PC Emma has engineered. Ho hum. Anyway, the day of the wedding dawns and Ashley's doing his bit as best man. Curly's sweating 'cos Emma's late, very late at the church and he starts feeling sorry for himself, wondering if she's ever going to turn up. Well, when she does, resplendent in white hooded cape with diamond tiara, small bouquet and a big smile, she brings with her a very special bridesmaid - Curly's daughter Alice. As Curly and Emma swap words: "With my body I honour you. All that I am I give to you. All that I have I share with you", there's not a dry eye in the house, well, not in my house anyroad, especially when Fred gives Audrey a wistful look. There's a lovely scene at the wedding reception later when Ashley stands up to give his speech.... "Ladies and genklemen....", and was I the only one who spotted Christine Hamilton as one of the wedding guests as Deirdre caught the bouquet? Anyway, the happy couple can't go off on honeymoon as planned as Alice needs to be taken back to France and Christine the housekeeper has come down with food poisoning, quelle surprise! So, Curly spends Christmas at home with his wife and his daughter, happy as can be until Emma realises there's no food in the house. Off they go to the Peacocks to celebrate Christmas there with Fred and Audrey and Maxine and Ashley (wearing a shirt, on Maxine's instructions, to match the table decorations).

Great stuff going on in the Rovers as Mike, Fred and Duggie slug it out over their new partnership and try to decide whose name will be above the door as official pub landlord. The three of them sit around a table in the Rovers, arguing and bickering like three old ladies... and it doesn't take much imagination to remember which three old ladies in the Rovers they remind us of.

Sarah and Candice are still at odds with each of them trying, but not really understanding the other's point of view, how could they, now that one of them is a mother? Anyway, Sarah's boyfriend, Glen comes around to her house to say he still wants to go out with her and that her having a baby makes no difference to him. Sarah's chuffed with this turn of events and agrees to see Glen after Christmas. All is well at the Platt household as Martin spends Christmas day there, but his thoughts are far, far away.... out shopping for Christmas presents with Sarah and David before Christmas, he spies Rebecca, back from the far east to the north west with a swingy about haircut. Martin can't think of anything else, he's useless, like a little puppy with heart shaped Poo-Chi dog eyes (and a wagging tail, no doubt). He makes his mind up he's going to find her, and discovers from her friend Carol where she's living. After spending Christmas day with Gail and the kids, he drives to the house where she's staying - Billy no-mates looking for his Becky. He finds her, snogging some bloke under the mistletoe in a house party, having fun without him.
At the Battersby's, Janice receives a Christmas card from Leanne - she's working in Sydney. Janice is feeling a bit sad, a bit blue, a bit whey, a bit whoy, a bit, you know so Les does what he can to cheer her up - he covers the outside of the house with Christmas lights, flashing reindeers and sparkling Santa's. It seems to do the trick and puts a smile on Janice's face (some women are easily pleased, that's all I can say). Of all the videos in all the shops, Les gives Janice her Christmas present - a copy of Casablanca (Why? It was on the telly on Christmas day!). He also gives her a diamond ring and of course Janice wants to know where it's come from, and there' s a line from Les that's sheer poetry: "Here's me giving you my heart and you want a receipt". Eileen and Dennis are there for Christmas too, singing on the karaoke as Eileen's son Jason turns up for lunch too. Eileen introduces Dennis to Jason: "Light of my life - meet the fruit of my loins."

There's noises coming from downstairs at the cafe and when Roy goes to investigate, armed with saucepan, he finds a little boy there stealing food. Next day, Roy finds the kid on the street and invites him in for egg and chips. It turns out that the kid, Wayne, lives in a children's home but was sent back to his mam and her boyfriend for Christmas, from where he escaped. Anyway, in a rather predictable, but quite nice in its own way, storyline, Roy and Hayley take Wayne in, feed him up and read him stories about elephants until he has to return to the children's home. Wayne's mum's boyfriend tries to collect him first but when Roy spies the man hitting Wayne, he confronts him in the street and has to have a sit down afterwards - being assertive is not something Roy is accustomed to.

Not such a joyful Christmas at the Barlow's. Peter (who I thought was quite dishy at first but now realise he's anything but) chats up Karen on Christmas eve in the Rovers, thereby giving her a second storyline. She is no longer "factory girl what chats up blokes". No! She is also, now, "factory girl what blokes chat up". Anyway, Peter has his hands full on Christmas morning and is late for dinner which Deirdre has been slaving over for three long months and twelve days. Liz is invited along to dinner also, so that's two old turkeys at the Barlow's on Christmas day. Tempers flare over dinner, not helped by Blanche criticising everything from the size of the potatoes to the taste of the meat: "This turkey's so dry it could choke a camel". (I bet they had steeped peas though). Liz walks out, Deirdre tears a strip off Peter and later bleats "Ohkenwarrammagonnadoooo" in the Rovers.

Vera's home from hospital on Christmas day, back to her own home which Jack has had refitted with a new kitchen, it's got cupboards and everything. Tyrone and Maria try (and fail) to make Christmas dinner for Jack and Vera while Monica, the Bette Davis of the dog world, reposes on the sofa, tinsel around her neck. Andrea and little boy Clayton turn up for sprouts and mash too and the new Mr and Mrs Watts also pop in to welcome Vera home. Jack has another surprise for Vera, he's booked them on a three week Caribbean cruise.

If walls could talk, eh? That back room at the Rovers could tell a few tales. Nat invites Kev there for a hot roast on Christmas day, well, the pair of them have nowhere else to go. After a few sherries and bedazzledly hypnotised by Nat's jacket, Kev tells Nat that he slept with Sally the night before his wedding to Alison. This piece of gossip puts a nasty smile on the landlady's face when she serves Sally and Danny at the bar later. Danny also had a bit of a storyline this week, but I don't like him very much so I won't say what it was.
Elsewhere this week, in the corner shop, Deirdre's crush on her boss just keeps on growing. And who can blame her? Not only is he gorgeous, he he also has his own stock of Tunnocks caramel wafers. What girl could ask for more?


Written by Glenda Young


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