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Corrie weekly updates from 1995
17 years in 17 e-books
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Sally flicks through Howard’s End which was as painful for Howard as it
was for her Kev. “I remember Howard’s End. It was a telly programme about
boats” he says when Sally starts her book-learning for A-level English. Kev
was recalling Howard’s Way which was indeed a programme about boats, I always
thought of it as a posh Coronation Street-on-sea. Sally also attempts The
Tempest and picks through Pride and Prejudice while Fiz’s fella John the
teacher offers his services to Sally if she wants some home tutoring at a
reasonable fee. Janice belittles Sally’s studies and tells her she’s just
a back street knicker stitcher and always likely to be so but it does start
Janice wondering what she could do to be a better Battersby. Maybe buy some
bitter butter? When John (Mr Stape to his mates) comes round to Sal’s for
her first home tutor session, Sal’s got the kitchen table full of dips and
crisps and Kev warns Sophie “Don’t diss the Stapester”.
Claire moves back in with Ashley this week, little knowing that Ashley
and Casey have kissed while she’s been at her mums. Ashley suggests the Peacocks
go to the pub to get p-p-pleasantly plastered but all Claire wants to do
is lie in a darkened room and cry her eyes out. Watching this story drag
on makes me feel much the same. Ashley and Casey are down to their grundies
in the Peacock house while Claire’s out at a support group meeting Casey suggests
she attends. It was just like a game of Coronation Street Cluedo with Mr
Peacock in the conservatory with a piece of lead piping. Or was it a candle
stick? Claire walks in just as Ashley’s considering taking off his tartan
boxer shorts (we never got to see them; this is just a hunch), and her hubby
and the woman she thinks is her best friend manage to get dressed before
Claire finds out just what’s really going on.
Paul starts his new job as chef at Leanne’s pizza paradise place in the
precinct. She quizzes him on where he worked last and he admits he’s not
worked for the last 18 months after having to do a runner from his last job
when his boss found out he’d been sleeping with his wife. It’s so far, so
good at the pizza place and Paul woos the punters with his pasta carbonara.
Mind you, I did wonder why there was an industrial can of baked beans on
the shelf in the kitchen, but maybe Spaghetti-a-la-Heinz-beanz is a north-west
delicacy, who knows?
Blanche catches Liz smoking in the ladies loo in the Rovers and makes
her confess all to Vernon. Steve returned from Spain this week and Liz had
to come clean to her son about her fling with dull Derek while he was away
and says he should be nice to Vernon because he’s forgiven her completely.
“If it had been yer dad, he’d have belted the foundation off me face” she
says to which Steve replies: “Just because he doesn’t hit you doesn’t make
him a saint”.
Violet’s pregnant, with child, has a bun in the oven and is in the pudding
club. Sean’s over the moon but he can’t keep his mouth shut and blabs all
to Jamie. Jamie tells Violet she could have done a lot better than getting
pregnant by the walking nightmare that’s Sean and she’s not pleased that
Sean’s given away their secret and that Jamie knows.
Gail has another go at the Morton clan next door about the level of noise
coming out of their shed. She sits down in the Rovers with the whole bleedin’
lot of them and Jerry gives her his mobile number, telling her to ring him
and complain when the noise gets too loud.
Eileen returns from a dirty weekend in Scarborough with Pat and has to
suffer the slings and arrows of guilt-inducing remarks from just about everyone.
In the Streetcars cab office, she moans to Steve who moans back about how
much he’s missing Michelle. Pat pops into the cab office to see Eileen but
leaves his mobile phone and Lloyd and Steve egg Eileen on to read Pat’s text
messages. She holds out long enough but when she caves in she gets a big
shock. There’s a message from Justine who’s keeping the bed warm for him
and messages for Carol, Sue and Fluffy Bunny too. When Pat pops back to pick
up the phone, Eileen knocks him through the door with a mean right hook which
is driven with extra power when he admits he’s not even married, he just
tells that to all the girls he meets to keep them at arm’s length. So there’s
Eileen, miserable at the switch and there’s Steve, feeling just as blue.
What’s to do? They only go and book cheap flights on th’internet, pack their
bags, jump in the back of a taxi and wave goodbye to an incredulous Liz as
the pair of them head off to Malta together. “Separate beds!” they yell back
at Liz.
Cilla’s sacked from the chippy when Mr Wong says he’s closing it down.
She reckons it’s because of the competition from Jerry’s kebab shop and goes
in there making her mouth go and then tells big fibs about food poisoning
and dodgy meat to anyone who’ll listen. When Schemicel goes missing on Chesney’s
13th birthday, Cilla reckons the Mortons are behind the dogknapping as revenge
for her badmouthing their food. The dog turns up later in the Morton’s shed.
My guess is he’d probably gone in there to see where the noise has been coming
from.
And that’s just about that for this week.
Glenda Young
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