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Update written by John Dean as Glenda was away
Meanwhile Linda has another go at Dreary, prompting Edna to
blow her cover and reveal she was Ken's informant. While she's
in the mood, Edna goes on to describe Linda as a trollop with
a taste for posh cars and tarty clothes. Fag-ash Lil is none too
pleased and later prompts Mike to sack Edna, ostensibly for poor
work. Edna looks in vain to 'The Gurrls' for support.
Meantime Nastily is doing the windows at the Rovers while Vinnie
boasts of his new Company Car. Well, she does half a window and
goes inside to slip into something less comfortable, thus missing
the arrival of the Company Car or Transit Van as we call them.
Whatever happened to the Weatherfield Window Cleaner wars? Why
is Gareh being deprived of his livelihood?
Little Kev returns home and accepts the new role for Dennis
but has decided against selling his share to Jim
Martin Gail and David set off for the animal shelter. David
would like a Rottweiler. Gail rules out 'Anything stupid or anything
big'. So how come she married Martin? They come back with Barney
the Rabbit. David immediately wants to breed with it (well, not
personally) but Martin rules out the idea until baby rabbits are
worth as much as baby greyhounds.
Doreen turns up, reconciled with Geoff and ready to take Tommeh
Norris's Dinner Party begins with an invitation to the guests
to guess what is in his filou parcels. Anthony suggests seafood,
soya, a touch of saffron and polenta. Norris is miffed and retires
to the kitchen where he accidentally flambes himself instead of
After the party, Ant takes Reet home. And then his thrusting
tongue penetrated the warm pink defences of her gentle mouth and
searched urgently for the means to satisfy his burning longing.
Well, perhaps not. But they do share a kiss.
Dougie gets Vinnie to evict a tenant behind with his rent.
Toyota lives opposite and is unimpressed with the whole business.
Little does she know Crusher is planning to evict all tenants
in due course to 'upgrade' the flats (and upgrade the rent, naturally)
Fred bribes Audrey with a hat to go to Mike's wedding with
him. Audrey insists on St Alma's blessing which the mascara-ed
one happily gives - how else will she hear all the gossip?
Betty Love warns Nastily she is fed up with cleaning. On cue,
Edna appears and is offered the job. She accepts, on the basis
that she wouldn't want it on her conscience if Environmental health
closed the Rovers down. And so Weatherfield 's premier hostelry
acquires a cleaner who may pass into legend with Hilda Ogden.
And with Natalie's talent for the meaningful look, Edna's talent
for Eeyore imitations and Betty Love's talent for being aggrieved,
there should be some treats in store
In the Kabin, as if by magic, the bookshopkeeper appears and
invites Reet to lunch. She gives him the big E, not without a
twinge of regret. Norris sets her straight. In the bookshop, as
if by magic, the Kabin shopkeeper appears. Tonsil hockey ensues.
Emma confides in Curly she is applying to join the armed response
team. Curly is underwhelmed at the thought of the fair Sergeant
becoming a gunslinger.
Sally organises a birthday dinner for Kev. Danny is unhappy
at the attention she gives her ex. He even refuses to join in
singing Happy Birthday. Oooo-o-o-o-h! Later, he tells Sally he's
showing Kev the Red card. A look from Sal and he hastily amends
it to a Yellow card. But he thinks Sal is still obsessed with
the diminutive mechanic.
Toyota has a go at Vinnie in the Rovers and Nat is also not
impressed with his role as Ferguson's new knuckle crusher.
Anthony suggests Ken should look into being a Magistrate. Will
the man who has been to bed with more women than Warren Beatty
be Weatherfield's answer to Judge Dredd? He's certainly interested.
Blanche is not impressed. Mind you, Blanche is wearing her new
glasses with what she describes as a 'subtle fashion tint'. She
looks like Ray Charles in Concert.
Mike arranges for Mark to come back and stay at the flat.
Gail and Martin are arguing. Danny and Sal are arguing. Sarah
Lou and Gail are arguing. Mark and Linda are arguing. Edna argues
with no-one, but points out she did such a good job at the Turk's
Head she was commended for her work on the Art Deco in the Bogs.
The Underworld Gurrls are not happy at Linda's planned up-market
hen-night at Delphines. Janice cons Geena via a five pound bet
into changing Linda's mind. What will the new venue be? Dancing
round the handbags? Knickers in the handbags? Grab-a-Granny night?
Seven of Nine gets her notice to quit from 'Hitler' Ferguson.
Natalie offers her Leanne's old flat in the Rovers.
Danny is late for his date to take the girls swimming (which
Sal had categorised as 'trying to get round me by schmoozing the
girls' and predicted failure) to discover Sal has arranged for
Kevin to take his place. Danny suspects Sal and Kev still have
feelings, nothing more than feelings, for each other.
Steve goes out for a quiet game of Pool. Jez turns up. Will
it be a duel? Eyebrows at ten paces? No, Jez is willing to forgive
and forget, let bygones be bygones. Does Steve believe him? Does
David Beckham think Cunnilingus is an Irish Airline?
This has been a JD production in Association with Glenda Young
enterprises. If you liked it, let me know.
If you didn't, let Glenda know (she made me do it, she made
me do it) --
John Dean, Oxford
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